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Doped up |
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Written by Zach Magoon
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Sunday, 29 July 2007 |
I'm thinking about doping. I just can't seem to keep up with all those commuters out there. They go whizzing by me at 2-3 times my speed seemingly without effort. OK so they're in cars. But, if I could just keep up with them, I know I could get to work faster. Plus, I've been told that I'm a good blood donor by many Red Cross nurses, my freezer is usually empty and lord knows I won't get tested. It seems like the perfect plan.
Can you imagine a more stupid scenario than that? How about in the Tour de France where the winners get tested nearly every day? These guys, who I once held in high regard, are idiots. How doped-up do you have to be to think you're not going to get caught? All that work and training, done, over. Good luck getting any position in the sport ever again. Now I'm an art director in my everyday life and it would be like if I stole all of Nike's advertisements and pawned them off as my own, collected a handsome paycheck, and boasted about how it just came to me. UUURRGGGG.
I may be done watching the Tour for a while. I felt like people were seeing me on the bike and thinking, I wonder if he's doping. Hundreds of glaring and accusing eyes piercing my thin spandex. I was thinking I'd make a no doping sign and wear it on my back so I wouldn't get lumped in with those assclowns, but I got over it.
I'm guessing if it's out there, someone has tried it. So for all you doping commuters out there, knock it off, or keep that on the race course, cause we don't need that crap on the streets!
Zm |
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